Why I have very few friends and am so invested in my marriage… People are fundamentally unknowable. Just as I am filled with h...

Why I have very few friends and am so invested in my marriage… People are fundamentally unknowable. Just as I am filled with hidden recesses, so is everyone else. A committed marriage is the closest we get to allowing someone to fully know us and vice versa. *Side note I think even more than procreation this is the value of the institution of marriage; by creating shared responsibilities & liabilities marriage creates vulnerability, which is the precursor to trust (and heartbreak if we mistreat it). Think about it, every other chosen relationship in life (friends, business associates, etc) is based on accepting a huge amount of unknowability and filling it in with positive assumptions so there can be trust. That’s fine, that’s essential, that’s society, but that’s a limiting context for relationships. To me a huge part of what we call loving is knowing someone fully and still accepting them. This is why they say a mother’s love has no rival. So in that sense, limitations on knowing and being known are, respectively, limitations on loving and being loved. Love is awesome, love is safety, love is peace, love is what most of us identify with God (or seek in that figure). Love is life. So why, in allocating my relationship capital, would I not focus most on the single relationship where I can be the most known and know the most, ie where the love can be the greatest? The fact that the only answer to that question is fear of vulnerability (putting all eggs in one basket so to speak) proves my point. The fragmentation of relationship energy costs us so much power my opinion, but conversely, by rationing energy in other relationships and investing all surplus in my marriage I get the most bang for my relationship buck. Plus, the trust this approach demands becomes self-reinforcing where each party knows how vulnerable the other is and gratefully reciprocates. It’s a terrifying approach with the wrong person, but it’s heaven with the right one. So if you’re my friend, and you feel me holding back, don’t take it personally. I like you, but you’re not the one. — PS. Let’s celebrate love. Tag a married person below who you think embodies this! ~~~ Your financial outlook is ready to improve! For more information please visit The Success Path Fast Track! - 

Why I have very few friends and am so invested in my marriage…

People are fundamentally unknowable.

Just as I am filled with h...






Why I have very few friends and am so invested in my marriage…

People are fundamentally unknowable.

Just as I am filled with hidden recesses, so is everyone else.

A committed marriage is the closest we get to allowing someone to fully know us and vice versa.

*Side note I think even more than procreation this is the value of the institution of marriage; by creating shared responsibilities & liabilities marriage creates vulnerability, which is the precursor to trust (and heartbreak if we mistreat it).

Think about it, every other chosen relationship in life (friends, business associates, etc) is based on accepting a huge amount of unknowability and filling it in with positive assumptions so there can be trust.

That’s fine, that’s essential, that’s society, but that’s a limiting context for relationships.

To me a huge part of what we call loving is knowing someone fully and still accepting them.

This is why they say a mother’s love has no rival.

So in that sense, limitations on knowing and being known are, respectively, limitations on loving and being loved.

Love is awesome, love is safety, love is peace, love is what most of us identify with God (or seek in that figure).

Love is life.

So why, in allocating my relationship capital, would I not focus most on the single relationship where I can be the most known and know the most, ie where the love can be the greatest?

The fact that the only answer to that question is fear of vulnerability (putting all eggs in one basket so to speak) proves my point.

The fragmentation of relationship energy costs us so much power my opinion, but conversely, by rationing energy in other relationships and investing all surplus in my marriage I get the most bang for my relationship buck.

Plus, the trust this approach demands becomes self-reinforcing where each party knows how vulnerable the other is and gratefully reciprocates.

It’s a terrifying approach with the wrong person, but it’s heaven with the right one.

So if you’re my friend, and you feel me holding back, don’t take it personally.

I like you, but you’re not the one.



PS. Let’s celebrate love. Tag a married person below who you think embodies this!

~~~

Your financial outlook is ready to improve! For more information please visit The Success Path Fast Track! -